Why I sometimes disappear.

Let me start off by saying, I haven't been on this blog in such a long while. Alot's been happening, most of it not really good, but it's always a good idea to have somewhere to jott down your mad ramblings at 6am.

As an update, I got a new PC. I built it myself from the ground up. Bought the parts and assembled them with the payout of a nice, shiny, Blue Lighted, Raedon Powered PC. I then opened it up again and did some basic wire mangement with the two watercooling holes in the case (I didn't buy a watercooling kit) which made for more cuts and such. The payload for it is that I haven't got anywhere to put it, which means it, and me, have to stay on the floor. It also doesn't have a monitor yet, so I have to use a really old one from one of the old, departed PCs. (it's not a CRT one though which is good).
I had regretted the decision to buy the parts after some events which happened in the family which I won't go into, but me and a friend deemed it a "great investment in which the rewards will become apparent in the future".

To be honest, I am starting to see those rewards. Besides being able to run my multimedia programs and games at decent speeds, it also means that I don't have to share it. Usually, whenever a new PC graced this abode, I would have to share it with my Brother. On the PCs which have come and sadly gone, he would load his programs onto it (most of which I deem as space sucking crap) and, which has now become a recent habit of his, not switch off the power when he's done with it. However, the rules changed since this wasn't a PC which my mum bought.
The PC which she did buy is still operational, but it's being horded because my Brother's laptop has gone in for repairs. I had a go on it today because I had to retrieve something for him while he's away. From the look and feel of it, I was worried to say the least.  I think the PC was on for 2 weeks straight without being switched off! And those programs....those programs are just awful. Everything seems to load on startup and one of the programs had nuisance like behaviour (opening on startup, constant notification pop-ups in the tray, killing the process in task manager but it reopens itself 20 seconds later).

It's times such as that where I wish I hadn't let him "borrow" my External HDD. I have to buy a new one and I'm shorthanded in the finances front to put it kindly.

Outside of Technology, Life has recently taken a turn in the tides. Things weren't always as messed up as they are now. I don't really know if they could get better. Everything that's happened, both past and recent, has stressed me out beyond belief and made my depression worse than ever. I've comtemplated dropping out of University four times in 2 weeks and missed out on lectures because of it. My focus has now changed and my resolve is wavering.
I want to move out of this house and get my own place, for a start. Maybe it will change things, maybe it won't, But living here has now become...just wrong. Anytime I'm out, I don't feel like I'm coming "home" but coming to "bullshit". That's how it feels for me, that I'm coming back to more bullshit. Coming back to a place where the environment is dull and sometimes, increases stress to intolerable levels just isn't a place i want to be, you know? Where you have to conform to the rules of a tyrannist just for the betterment of others, and no benefit to yourself. And when you don't conform, you're labelled as a horrible person. This is no family environment and this is no home.

Maybe there's some light at the end of all this, who knows?
Till then.